Interview: Processing the Pain of Divorce at Work 访谈：在工作中处理离婚的痛苦

The day I learned I was brave enough to cry in public was the day I decided to talk about my divorce in a company meeting. 

Years before, I never would have imagined doing something so vulnerable and revealing. But the overwhelming feedback I received from the audience afterward convinced me that as a society, we need to de-stigmatize divorce. We need to discuss this common part of human relationships openly and without shame.  

In this Reset Diaries podcast interview, host Astha Pasricha invited me to talk about what I learned from the dissolution of my marriage. In it, I describe what happened when I decided to openly discuss my divorce during a company-wide meeting — and how the outcome surprised me. 

This episode is my latest effort to normalize divorce, a very taboo and sensitive topic in the workplace. Is it possible to see divorce as a springboard to a new life rather than focusing on it as a setback?  

I know it seems impossible to imagine, but in hindsight, I feel incredibly blessed to have had such an awakening moment early on in my adult life. This moment allowed me to choose again who I wanted to become and start working on the changes required to get there. Much of what I do today, including this interview and blog, stemmed from the deep yearning to find my life's purpose amid grief. 

I took the photos in this post with my camera while I was doing deep soul-searching right after my divorce, mainly in Southeast Asia, either with my running shoes for a marathon or my bike for touring. During these trips, I would wake up early and take sunrise photos. When it was boiling in the afternoon, I preferred the bliss of reading a book at a cafe with an ice-cold tangy lime soda. 

Photography has been and still is a critical inspiration for me. Now, I offer portrait sessions and donate all the proceeds to charities. I am always touched when someone sees a different side of themselves through my lens. I have looked at myself very differently from that of other photographers.  

Before my divorce, my primary goal was to hold a perfect image for outsiders to admire. My divorce provoked a big opening in a seemingly perfect surface. Once there was a crack, I was no longer terrified by failure and imperfections. I remember my sigh of relief well. It was exhausting to keep up with the illusion. Between the cracks, there was finally space for sprouts of new possibilities. The tears were the water, and the new experiences were the sunshine. Slowly, my ecosystem strengthened, and my inner garden flourished.  

If you are experiencing a divorce or any other major life event while building your career, I hope this interview gives you comfort and ideas on how to process the pain and accelerate your healing and transformation. As humans, we are capable of experiencing multiple emotions at the same time. You might be sad about the end of your marriage but continue to find joy in your life and allow yourself to be excited about what might come next. Life is full of surprises; we only experience the good when we embrace the bad. Celebrate your courage to step out of familiarity and start a new chapter.  Remember, just because you are divorced, it doesn’t mean that you are broken. Divorce and what others say do not define you. The love you give to yourself and the world does.  

I want to give a special shout-out to Kim Barker and Stephanie Huckel, my ex-colleagues with whom I worked as a founding member of IGT’s Executive Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Board. That experience inspired me to go beyond my day-to-day responsibilities and drive changes in corporate culture so that every person feels safe to be who they truly are regardless of where they come from and what they may be going through.

Have you experienced a divorce? What advice would you share about healing from this major life event while building a career? Subscribe to share your thoughts in the comments.  

当我决定在公司会议上谈论我离婚的事情那天，我学会了勇敢的在众人面前流泪。

在此之前，我从没想过要做这件事，因为将我埋在心底的脆弱也公之于众。但后来我从听众那里得到的大量反馈，这些反馈让我坚信，社会需要消除离婚的偏见。我们需要开诚布公地讨论这个人际关系中的非常普遍且普通的一部分，而不是感到羞耻。

在这次《重置日记》播客访谈中，主持人Astha Pasricha邀请我谈谈我从婚姻破裂中学到了什么。在这次访谈中，我描述了在一次全公司会议上，当我决定公开讨论我离婚时所发生的事情，结果是如何让我感到惊讶。

这一集是我为了使如何平常的对待离婚所做的最新努力。在工作场合，离婚是一个非常禁忌和敏感的话题。我们是否有可能将离婚视为开启新生活的跳板，而不是将其视为一个挫折？

我知道这几乎是难以想象的，但事后看来，我感到无比幸运，因为我能够在成年后的早期就有这样一个觉醒的时刻。这一刻让我再次选择我想成为的人，并开始为实现这一目标努力作出改变。我今天所做的很多事情，包括这次采访和这篇博客，都源于我在如何在悲伤中寻找人生目标的深切渴望。

在这边文章中，我用相机来记录我的经历，当时我刚刚离婚去了东南亚旅行，当时的我陷入深刻的自我怀疑，要么是穿着跑步鞋跑马拉松，要么是骑自行车旅行。在这些旅行中，我会早起拍摄日出照片。当下午天气变得炎热，我更喜欢在咖啡馆里，一边喝着冰凉的酸橙苏打水，一边读书。

摄影对我来说一直是重要的灵感来源。现在，我开设肖像摄影服务，并将所有收益捐给慈善机构。当有人通过我的镜头看到自己不同的一面时，我总是很感动。我亦对自己的看法与其他摄影师截然不同。

离婚前，我非常在意保持一个完美的形象，让外人欣赏，而离婚，就好比在我一个看似完美的表面撕开了一个大口子，可能因为有了裂缝，我不再害怕失败和担心不完美，我清楚地记得我如释重负，深深的大呼一口气，因为自己为了别人眼里的完美，已经精疲力竭了。缝隙不只是破坏了完美，也是新生，让新的可能性发芽，流过的泪水浇灌他，新的经历也是阳光不断让他成长。慢慢地，我的生态系统增强了，我的内心花园繁荣了起来。

如果你也跟我一样正在经历离婚或其他重大的生活事件，我希望这次访谈能给你带来一些安慰和思考，让你知道如何处理这些痛苦，加速你的愈合和转变。作为人类，我们有能力同时体验多种情绪。你可能会为婚姻的结束而悲伤，但也请你要继续在生活中寻找快乐，拥抱新的生活带来的新的发现。生活充满了惊喜，因为只有当我们拥抱不好的事物时，我们才能体验到好的事物。为你的勇气庆祝，走出舒适圈，开始新的篇章。记住，离婚并不意味着你的个人已经破碎了。离婚和别人的眼光，并不能定义你。只有你给自己和给世界的爱才能够定义你。

我要特别感谢我的前同事Kim Barker和Stephanie Huckel，我们都是IGT公司高管多元化、公平和包容董事会的创始成员。这段经历激励我超越自己的日常职责，推动企业文化的变革，让每个人都能安全地做自己，不管他们来自哪里，不管他们经历了什么。

你经历过离婚吗？关于如何从这一重大生活事件中痊愈过来，同时发展自己的事业，你有什么建议吗？请订阅，并在评论中分享你的想法吧。